Ways to be Heard

Do you write a blog?

Is it a raging success?

If you answered "yes," how about giving me me a link? ;)
If you answered "no," why not start by considering your involvement in other blogs? In particular, how often do you comment on other blogs?

I once read a blogger who said he tries to comment on every blog he reads. This does two things:

1. Makes you really interact with the ideas in the blog. Don't just channel-surf blogs all day long... that's like eating a steady stream of celery soup. You get NOTHING out of it and eventually want to gag. Dig into the blogs you're reading and find something to challenge yourself with. Leave comments makes you think about the blog.

2. Visibility. There's no better way to find people who are interested in reading what you write than to leave your face (and url) beside a thoughtful comment on someone else's blog. If you're reading interesting, thought-provoking blogs, you're probably in good company. The other readers of that blog are likely to be people with similar interests to you (you're both interested in the same blogs, anyway!) and they might just be interested in what you have to say.

A win-win, what's not to like? It takes a lot more effort, but you end up getting more out of blogs when you leave a little piece of your thoughts down the bottom as a comment.

Have you ever commented on a blog? Anything exciting happen?

A Personal Credit Card

No. It doesn't exist.

Sorry to spoil that upfront, but that was the lesson I learned today. I've become a little idealistic from all the Seth Godin I've been reading, with his insistence that companies ought to be personal and sensible. When it comes to big banks, there is just no sense and no person. There are no real people to talk to. Even when you talk to a person, you're not talking to a person, you're talking to a strictly enforced training procedure.

So what's my problem?

"Sandy" asked me, "So Catherine, what do you want from our phone conversation" and I told her what I really wanted was a relationship with a banker whom I can trust.

Turns out, my expectations were unrealistic. It's fine for me to read Seth Godin and get inspired about how I will do business, but I cannot expect that these massive banks will read the same blog posts and be as inspired and revolutionized as I am.

In acceptance, there is peace.

Anyone else have a hard time with the banks? What do YOU want from your service providers?

Who Will Remember You?

If anyone has not yet discovered grooveshark, do. Just do.

Typing "Remember Me" into the search bar turned up one of my favorite playlists of all time. It seems that those two words inspire a lot of beautiful, vulnerable songs.

It matters to us to be remembered.

It mattered to me that I'm not sure anyone reads this blog. It mattered to me that my friends seem to be succeeding in blogging and getting married and getting degrees and traveling and joining the Navy, and I wondered where my mark was on the world.

Want to know where my mark is? It's in being able to listen to my Dad and take his advice even when I think it's stupid.

My insight and foresight is so limited by my emotions and daydreams and Disney cartoons that I've almost fallen into some pretty big holes in my life. When I listen to wisdom, I make a mark in my own heart. I clearly remember the moments I listened to my Dad instead of racing down the aisle, and those have left a mark on me.

I am the only one who will remember every step of my life on this earth. Why should I be concerned about the impression I'm making on anyone else? I am content. I am headed in a good direction. I trust that the people older and wiser than me are not always right, but they are always older and wiser, and I trust the Lord takes care of the rest.

Want to agree? Argue?
Leave a comment :)

Where are you leaving your mark?

The Choice I Face

I read Pioneer Woman's blog today - apparently she's the bee's knees... and ankles... and pinky toes. As I'm getting more involved with bloggers, I'm discovering who the "big guys" are, and I'm liking them.

There is an art to speaking from the heart like these bloggers do, and that's what Pioneer Woman encouraged me to start with. She told me to talk like I'm talking to my sister.

Problem is... all I have is a cat.
(And she doesn't like me very much)

This blog has been about communications and official-type postings, but I'm feeling the itch to start being more genuine here.

I was caught off-guard by a text this afternoon, from a friend who asked me if I really enjoyed her friendship, or if I am just being polite to her. I didn't quite know what to say, because I was so grateful for her honesty.

When did you lay it all on the line and speak what you felt? What happened?

Lately, I've doubted that this kind of honesty is worth the risk... Can you tell I've been stung in the past? I don't want to doubt that honesty is worth the risk, but I'm seeing that you can't be both honest and safe. What do we choose?

Mr. Smith, This is Your Hour

I often create imaginary scenarios in my mind. These things come from nowhere ~ I might hear a phrase on the radio and suddenly it becomes a fully-fledged story in my head, except there's rarely a good plot or resolution. I just 'see' a conversation in my mind's eye. When we got this week's assignment on conflict resolution, the same thing happened:

 “John, would you meet me in my office in ten minutes, please?”

I’m walking back to my office along polished hallways. John Smith has worked for the company for two years, and I imagine he has a darling wife at home and a baby, and his wife has cooked him his favorite meal for dinner tonight – a spicy Chicken Alfredo. I imagine her response as he tells her about a meeting he had with his department manager today. This kind of mental exercise generates empathy and prepares me for the meeting ahead.

“John, thank you for your time. I won’t keep you long, but I want to let you know that I am concerned about your recent achievements…”

Note to self: good use of the word ‘achievements’ – I want John to feel empowered. I want to give him “the maximum amount of power to do a job as [he sees] fit; including both responsibility and accountability for work performed” (Shockley-Zalabak, 2009, p. 228). When he feels strong and appreciated, he’s more likely to take what I have to say as constructive, not destructive.

“John, you’ve been with Happy Tech for two years now, and we’ve done very well in those two years. We’ve grown nicely and we have a work environment that I know we all enjoy.”

This is good – it focuses on the positives and creates a sense of camaraderie.

“This is why I’ve called you in here today. I know you’re committed to your work and to making Happy Tech a company customers enjoy working with, so I was concerned about some recent reports.

I have a copy here of the agreement we signed when you first began here, and I’d like to review it with you. You’ll notice that you signed here where we list the monthly targets we thought you could achieve. Now, I know you haven’t been able to make those goals these past three months. Is this something you can fix by our next monthly review?”

Now, it’s time for me to take a breath. If he tries to justify himself or cast blame, let him speak, but don’t respond to the accusations. I need to listen to what he says, and respond appropriately if he brings up legitimate issues I can help him address. If he doesn’t bring up anything new, it’s time to continue…

“John, I’m concerned, because you’ve shown outstanding customer-service skills over the past two years, and your coworkers all appreciated the mischievous sense of humor you brought to our office, but these same people seem to have been offended by that sense of humor lately. I have watched your interactions in the office, and I have seen that you are quite competitive. Great! We love a strong sense of competition at Happy Tech – our competitiveness is how we stay the best – so please direct that energy towards helping our customers with their concerns.”

This works to help set an understanding between us, but it is a little vague… I “need to request specific changes, both in the action requested and in the amount of change desired” (Cahn, 2007, p. 101). If John can understand exactly what I require from him, he can work on achieving it.

“You know that Happy Tech has quite serious policies in place regarding employee dismissal. Neither of us wants this situation to go that far, but I am bound by the agreement we signed. You have a month now to prove you can reach those performance goals we set when you began with Happy Tech. I will be watching your progress carefully and I will be on the floor to see how you’re putting your competitiveness to good use. If you achieve your goals this month and we have no customer complaints, we’ll write this down as just another training exercise.

You are an important part of my team, John. I’d love to see all your energy channeled into reaching your goals. Don’t forget about the raise you can achieve by exceeding your targets for three months in a row.

Thank you for your time today, John. We’ll meet again this time next month to see how you’re going…”

Okay… I’m ready for this…

To my readers: how would you feel if you were John in this situation? How would you respond if your boss spoke to you like this?

10 Steps to Completely Changing Your Personality

Have you ever wished you were someone else? Do you enjoy the excruciating bewilderment of not knowing how to interact with your environment? If you said yes, then immigration is the option for you! Below are ten quick tips to keep in mind when immigration – don’t worry, you’re already on your way to discovering a whole new you!

I. Everyone around you will see things differently to how you’re used to. None of your jokes will be funny and you’ll gasp uncomfortably at the things your new countrymen find hilarious.

II. Don’t touch anyone or anything until you’ve seen a local do it. It might be okay in your country to pat a child on the head, but in an Islamic country, this is the equivalent of stepping on a small puppy. Don’t do it.

III. People around you will either seem painfully indecisive or hazardously impetuous. Your feelings of confidence and direction will never be the same as you navigate the unspoken rules of decision-making in your new country.

IV. A 9 0’clock meeting may start at 8:45 or 11:22, depending on your new local time. It is a dreadful faux pas to be either too early or too late and you will likely be irritated either way, especially if you are trying to cater for the event.

V. Don’t worry if businessmen start standing so close you’re sure they can taste the sardines you had for breakfast; this is normal in some countries. Observe how closely others stand to one another and steer clear of individuals with terrible body odor.

VI. People never mean what they say. People always mean what they think you understand by the words they say. I might say, “Gosh, I feel cold,” but this could be a subtle hint that the air conditioning needs to be adjusted, or I could just be making small talk. Try to consider what the other person is implying, and if you can’t figure it out, ask someone.

VII. Body language is crucial. Imitate body language and learn to watch how others move and gesture. Some symbols and expressions will always mean the same things; learn how to use these appropriately.

VIII. People will not play by your rules. The words, “well, where I’m from...” are NEVER a justification for your actions. Enjoy sharing your culture and experience, but never expect that others will feel that same way you do about polite behavior or social mores.

IX. Learn the laws of the land. Obey them.

X. Don’t assume your new countrymen speak English. Don’t expect them to learn it.

Above all else, be patient with yourself. Immigration might be supremely easy for you, but this is not the normal situation. You’ll discover that you like things you never expected, and that some things really annoy you for no good reason. Find friends early who can help you transition into the new culture and accept that you will make mistakes. Hopefully, people will excuse your honest ignorance and come to understand more about their own culture through your eyes.

(Based loosely on my own experience and this article)

$5 Prize for Correct Guesses

WHAT are you reading?

It's a blog. Right?

Thank you for playing this game, if I guessed correctly, I win the prize!
Please send $5 to PO Box 888, SYDNEY Australia.

I am kidding, but in all seriousness, I am going to blog about blogs. This is my most hated blog topic, but let's get metaphysical.

Blogs fill the void between War and Peace and Archie Comics. Blogs are personal, so they make us feel connected in the metallic world of cyberspace, and they're instant, so they fulfill our need to have the latest information RIGHT NOW.

Blogs are also varied. If you've been watching this blog, you've already seen 3 of my favorite bloggers, and you've seen just how different these three are. Seth is a marketing guru, Nie Nie is a stay-at-home Mormon Mommy, and Monet is a baker with the soul of a poet with the soul of an artist with the soul of a baker.

Whatever your interest is, there is a blog to tell you what you want to know. But, like all the communications tools I've mentioned here, use blogs with caution. The benefit of a blog is that ANYONE can get published. The problem with blogs is that ANYONE can get published.

Would you listen to some guy on the street telling you the top ten best ways to make a million or fall in love? I hope not. Bloggers are like that random guy. The internet is deceptive because we can construct the image we would like to portray, whereas real life is more honest. A blog might look authoritative, but unless you know who the author is, or you know his/her professional affiliations, assume he is just another kid like you, sitting at his computer, spitting out the first idea he thinks of.

Don't take blog authors too seriously. Not even me.

Do Facial Expression Increase Attraction?

How do you feel when I say:

You are just the smartest person I ever met.

Now, imagine you can see me roll my eyes while I say that.

Now, imagine you can see my twirl my hair and bat my eyelashes while I say that.

Well, now you don't have ton wonder what my face is doing while I compliment you; welcome to Skype.
What difference does it make to my meaning when you can see my face? It makes ALL the difference. Expression is our physical cue to the other person, to explain to them how we intend for them to interpret our message. Our words include a message, but our expressions and tone are the keys to unlocking that message.

Skype is a simple program a computer user can install in their laptop, internet-capable phone, or desktop computer. All the user needs is a webcam, microphone, and speakers, and s/he can start using Skype. Of course, it also helps if the user has friends who are similarly connected to Skype, but that's a gamble we'll have to take.

Skype uses video and audio to conduct a face-to-face call between two users. These individuals can be separated by as many miles or oceans as they like; Skype (thanks to our god friend, the internet) can cross them all.

I have personally used Skype regularly since 2004 and I love it. I love that awkward feeling I get when I see an old friend for the first time in months or years and I feel the urge to hug them, but can't. I love that there's no way I can hide my surprise when she shares that she's finally decided to quit shaving her legs and move to a commune. I love seeing her tear up when we laugh hysterically about the good old days. Skype brings communication to life, including our awkward moments and our beautiful experiences.

Skype is a tool, just like any other, which helps communication, but it also presents unique challenges. Users have to find ways to work around the awkward moments when they aren't able to physically move or touch one another. We also have to be comfortable with seeing our own image reflected back to us on the screen.

For all the challenges it presents, Skype allows a deeper feeling of connection between communicators. Anything that increases feelings of love and connection in this world is worth using. I fully encourage Skype usage.

eBooks: The Way of the Future or a Step Backwards?

Raise your hand if you have purchased an eBook to help complete your online degree.

Now put it down real quick, before someone starts to wonder about your sanity. You look silly, but if you're smart, you have purchased an eBook at some point in your progress towards your B.A.

Why would you have purchased an eBook? Because they're:

• Convenient - eBooks can be purchased from anywhere by anyone. All you need is internet access, a credit card, and a device which reads eBooks (laptop/Kindle/iPhone/iPad/etc).
  

• Cost Effective - there are no printing costs involved in producing an eBook, there are no shipping costs, and (most importantly) the publisher doesn't have to worry about a pile of leftover books that might never sell. These three factors drive up the costs of traditional books and leave the market for eBooks wide open.
  

• Cool - one of the most popular, influential men in the world is a 26-year-old computer nerd. Technology is in and it's not going anywhere. The latest fad is to be totally online. eBooks are the new college cool.

Since the invention of the Amazon Kindle, almost every modern bestselling book has been digitized and sold as an eBook. This bodes well for adult literacy in the USA. Now, busy adults can always have a full library on hand. It is easier than ever to read quality literature.

However, what are eBooks doing to literature in general? Is this immediate-gratification version of reading turning books into just another consumable? Literature is taught at the most prestigious universities in Bachelors, Masters, and Doctorate programs, but classic texts are available for digestion while shoppers swipe coupons and buckle seat belts. 

I appreciate that eBooks have made reading more feasible for us all, just like recordable storybooks have made it easier for children to listen to their favorite tales, but I have to wonder: what is this doing to our appreciation of literature as an art form?

Would you view the Venus de Milo while clipping your nails or paying a bill? 

There is a necessary reverence we need to feel when we're interacting with great works of art. I fear that the disposability and convenience of eBooks is encouraging us to treat literature with less respect and attention than it deserves. eBooks achieve great things for communication, but there is also a cost: the easier it is to communicate, the less we value the interaction.

Are Storybooks the Easiest Way to Educate Your Children?

I'm taking a break from my top 5 bloggers to bring you this week's assignment:

Recordable Storybooks.

Imagine the setting: you're sitting by the fire, a glass of aromatic red wine in one hand, the latest NY Times bestseller. You're discovering that butler did NOT do it, but that it was... (Well, I can't ruin it for you, can I?)...

Where is your two-year-old?

He's resting quietly in bed, listening to his nightly story; but who's reading to him? It's a recordable storybook! Last week, you realized he only ever wants to hear Kiss Goodnight over and over, so you read it to him once, and let the book do the rest of the work. Now your voice is there, immortalized in those precious pages for him to hear... over and over... and over and over.

How wonderful is modern technology? You get to enjoy a few moments of guilt-free relaxation while your son gets his comforting story read to him by the person he loves most: you.

These books are perfect for all types of parents, whether they are in the next room or in another country. Parents who are in the military value the connection they can make with their children through these books. The child gets to hear their parent's voice and feel the closeness of their love, regardless of the distance between them.

The beauty of these books is the connections they establish: voices make us feel connected and close. These books also promote literary education. It's vital that young children get to see words as they hear them, but modern parents don't always have the time to sit and read to their children for long periods of time. Technology has helped bridged this gap between what we want to do and what we need to do.